An open letter to BN about the elections

Dear Barisan Nasional,

How have you been? Looks like you’ve got this whole election business in the bag! Everyday I open the newspaper and there is nothing but praise for BN! Turn on the TV and it is the same thing. You never let me down. Not like those opposition jokers who are always fighting among themselves.

I hope it’s not too pre-mature, but CONGRATULATIONS on bagging the coming elections! That is how much I believe in you. Just look at all the election flags and buntings! Driving around town, all I can see is the white ‘dacing’ boldly standing out against a sharp blue background. Beautiful. It’s like Mardi Gras, if the Mardi Gras was only blue and white. Even in Selangor where I live, your colours are everywhere. Way to show them who’s boss.

Oh yeah, I was talking to one of the Bangladeshi security guards near by my house. As usual la, quite hard to communicate with these fellas because he can’t speak English and Bahasa.

Anyway, turns out this fella is a very responsible young man and is going to vote. I have to say that BN is very clever. Why do something when you can get someone else to do it for you for cheaper? (I don’t know how to spell his name, and he doesn’t know how to write but I will let you know once he gets his IC.)

So I guess if you have him and his million-or-so other friends to support you, you don’t need my vote right? I mean, things are going so well, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I go on a little holiday during the elections instead. When you win you are going to call for public holiday right? Perfect! I can start cuti on labour day, MC on Thursday and Friday, and Monday also holiday. Six day weekend FTW!

Don’t think you’ll miss my vote in any case. Every other day I see your boys on the motorbike celebrating like you’ve already won. Proudly wearing their bright blue BN t-shirts. Screaming and shouting while waving the BN flag all riding all over the road. Tooting their own horn. Can’t believe just a few weeks ago these guys were all Mat Rempits who don’t contribute to society. Just goes to show you the power of BN, can transform lives.

Oh yeah, also wanted to ask you, how much are you paying these fellas? I’m only asking because I’m kind of interested. Don’t know if I told you, but I couldn’t get into any of the local universities, there was no more space. But at least they made room for some of my (Question: In 1Malaysia can we still can call people Malay?) classmates who got worse results than me. Good for them la, they needed it more. At least I know that I shouldn’t have any trouble finding a job since I am a proud product of our national education system. Worst case, I know I can always become an MP.

In the meantime, thanks for BR1M! You know just what to get me, it’s like you know me so well. Why vote for rocket when you can vote for pocket? By the way, when is the next round of BR1M coming? I know its supposed to last me the whole year, but the other day I had a teh tarik instead of feeding my whole family and totally blew my budget.

But don’t worry, you help me I also help you. First thing I get the BR1M money, I go and like Najib’s Facebook page. You know, he has 1.6 million likes. But my friends still keep posting all this opposition propaganda on Facebook, which is quite annoying. Why can’t they just post pictures of their food like everyone else?

They always tell me to read all these dubious “alternative media” sites and complain that the Malaysian media is not free and fair. How can it be free? Star also costs RM1.20. Don’t they know that nothing good is free? Therefore nothing free is good and free media is no good.

If not for the newspapers I wouldn’t know that DAP is secretly controlled by PAS. Can you imagine if DAP wins and PAS implements HUDUD law? Thieves can kena potong tangan! Luckily people like us have nothing to fear, because we have never stolen anything, right? My Muslim friends are also worrying that if PAS wins, DAP will turn Malaysia into a Christian state. Of course, I told them not to worry, Yakini BN! BN is so confident, you don’t even bother to contest for Pasir Mas.

I also had to tell that to another friend of mine, who gets a lot of contracts from you. She is afraid if BN loses, she won’t be able to pay for her bungalow and the condominiums as well as her Mercedes Benz and her children’s private education. She should go to one of BN’s ceramahs and see that no one is there. Why? Because true BN supporters know that BN is already going to win, so they stay at home. Meanwhile, opposition’s ceramah next door is so crowded and noisy, like a pasar malam. inconveniencing everyone and creating traffic jam for no reason.

I think next time you should bring the tear gas and water cannon and clear them out.

Here’s to another four years of no change.

Best wishes,

Your #1 supporter

p.s. Psy in Penang was awesome!

Taken from: https://shortsandslippers.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/an-open-letter-to-bn-about-the-elections/